You’re Not Done Yet! How to Face Your Fears After Illness, Loss & Chaos

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diversimom, fears, business, entrepreneurs, failure, mental skills, neuroscience

During times of desperation and trial, the absolute worst thing to say to someone is ‘face your fears.’ Unfortunately, at some point, in order to get through it, it’s something we all must do.

I remember standing in the kitchen making my daughter’s breakfast and all of a sudden she let out a blood curdling scream.

When I looked at her she had one hand over her mouth and the other one pointing to the floor. I looked down and there was a huge chunk of my long, blonde hair.

I remember waking up to a houseful of obnoxious teens – my son’s friends up to no good in my own house.

He’d promise not to cause trouble and every weekend, I’d have drag my weak body out of bed and hassle with them to leave.

I’d fall back asleep and they’d be back in the house. 

I remember violently throwing up in the middle of the night thinking I was going to die.

All of a sudden my daughter would appear. She’d hold my hair out of my face, make sure I was all done, get me a cold wash cloth, escort me back to bed…and then go crawl back into her bed.

Usually this was a school night. No words, just action.

I remember when I had friends over all the time, dinners, the zoo, parks, barbeques. But they all of a sudden didn’t remember me.

I’d spent 2 1/2 months in bed.

Yep. I was pretty much done. Then one morning, when I woke up I heard a voice. Oh great, so now I’m hearing voices…what else could plague poor, pitiful me?

“Get up!” The voice was very clear and very alarming. I sat up looking around. Nobody was in my room. The kids were at school.

“Get up!” Still, nobody to be seen. I lay back down saying to myself that I. Am. Done!

“You’re not done yet. Get up. Take a shower. Do something…whatever you want…just get up! Face your fears!”

So I got up, and kept getting up everyday. I read a lot. Then I started writing. At the end of 6 weeks, I heard the words ‘remission.’

I kept reading and writing. My long lost friends started reappearing. I made them disappear…and I kept writing.

That was a few years ago. Last summer, I made the leap and started a blog.

I make it sound so easy, don’t I? Well, I promise you, I KNOW it’s not.

There were a lot of things I had to do to get to the place where I am today, physically, emotionally and financially.

Here are the steps to take in order to face your fears and put your life back together after loss, illness and/or chaos.

1.  Face Your Fears!

First and foremost you have to fight!  I don’t mean physically, I mean mentally.  Develop your mental strength and feed off of your passion. A saying came to me and I started playing it over and over in my head every single day:

“Never give up! Never give in! Pull from within!”

If you’ve isolated yourself out of depression or shame, pull yourself out of it. Face what you’re going through and don’t let it stop your life!

2.  Know What Defines You

Until now, you’ve subconsciously allowed your loss, illness or chaos to define you. Just because you’ve experienced hardship does not mean you’re ‘done’ or you’re a failure.

When you look in the mirror, and when you face others, you don’t say, “Hi, I’m Failure,” or “Hi, I’m Cancer.”

You are NOT that loss, illness or chaos that you’re going through. You are you, and it’s up to you to walk straight through the middle of whatever you’re going through and be amazing.

3.  Baby Steps

The only way to face your fears is by action. At first, tiny little things initiate the momentum.

For me, this meant simply getting out of bed every morning and promising myself I wouldn’t get back into it until 8:00 p.m. 

Exercise for the first 10 days consisted of walking to the corner…a mere 3 houses away.

Believe…No, Not in Santa…In YOU!

4. No ‘Stinkin Thinkin’ Allowed!

If you’re a client, or a subscriber, you already know my stand on positive core beliefs.

Everything begins and ends with the brain-heart connection.  You absolutely must have them on the same wavelength.

If you really want to be a success in your heart but your brain is telling you you’re a failure, or it’s too hard, you aren’t on the same wavelength. 

Get them balanced with positive beliefs.

Example:  In the story above, in my head, I was saying, “I. Am. Done!”  That was what I thought, therefore what I believed.  As a result, I did nothing to pull myself back together. Then, I started saying,

Never give up. Never give in. Pull from within!

This is how to reverse negative self talk.  Replace your icky thoughts with positive ones that propel you toward success.

5.  Take the Trash Out…And Leave it Out!

When life brings illness, depression, financial struggles and other chaos, you really find out who your friends are. 

This is the time to eliminate influences, activities, places and habits that lead you to failure or bring you down.

Face your fears and leave anything standing in your way in the trash.

Overcoming illness, loss of a loved one, family dysfunction, heartbreak, financial loss etc. is never easy, but if you follow these five steps when you feel like you’re done, you will find that the hardships that come your way are the experiences you can learn and grow the most from. 

I wasn’t done yet, and neither are YOU.  Now go face your fears and make it a productive day!

Special Offer:  If you have experienced any type of loss, illness or chaos in your life and you’re having trouble picking up the pieces, I want to reach out and offer a consult on how to get started at no charge.  Email me at diversimom@gmail.com  with the title, “I’m not done yet.”  This offer is limited and will expire soon. Don’t be shy, or embarrassed…just face your fears.  I did, so can you!

And don’t forget to sign up for the latest breakthroughs in the Neuroscience industry and how it can help you grow your business! Just fill out the form right here.

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photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/h-k-d/4697201130/in/photostream/

 

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24 Responses to You’re Not Done Yet! How to Face Your Fears After Illness, Loss & Chaos

  1. Kelly Boyer Sagert May 8, 2014 at 11:53 am #

    Oh, it is SO easy to let an illness or other type of catastrophe define you. I struggle with that, for sure — and do better on some days than others. Thanks for a thought provoking post!

    • Lynn Silva May 8, 2014 at 12:08 pm #

      Thank you Kelly and I completely agree. Some days are better than others…and that’s when I remember most that I am NOT done yet, and neither are you! Thanks for commenting!

  2. Adam May 8, 2014 at 12:06 pm #

    Hey Lynn, thanks for sharing this, powerful stuff! I’m glad you weren’t done yet, you’re an awesome example of our ability as human beings to consciously improve ourselves, if we put in the effort, even when we’re at our lowest point, love it!

    ~ Adam

    • Lynn Silva May 8, 2014 at 12:46 pm #

      Thanks so much Adam! That’s the whole point…to inspire someone else who has faced utter crisis and heartbreak.

  3. Neil Eldred May 8, 2014 at 1:21 pm #

    Lynn, I am truly moved. That’s an incredible story. And you learned such an important life lesson out of it. Now you’re sharing it. Thank you. These are steps that can be used to face a fear of failure. Thanks I need them. Hopefully someday I’ll get to buy you a Pepsi to say thanks.

    • Lynn Silva May 8, 2014 at 1:28 pm #

      Hi Neil!

      It just happens that I love pepsi…hmmm…it’s almost as if you knew that. 😉 If there’s one thing that’s for sure it’s that our entire lives we’re going to face things we don’t want to deal with. The more we avoid them or isolate, the bigger they get. I learned that the hard way and I hope my story empowers even just one person to face their fears. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment.

  4. Joy May 8, 2014 at 5:34 pm #

    Thank you for the inspiring post Lynn! It’s never easy to move on when you’ve just fallen. Sometimes we think that we have to be strong for the sake of our loved ones, but ultimately, we have to be strong for ourselves. Nobody is able to help us if we don’t help ourselves. I love the tweetable quote, “Never give up! Never give in! Pull from within!”

    • Lynn Silva May 9, 2014 at 6:22 am #

      Hi Joy! 🙂
      It’s such a tiny little mind tweak that happened with that saying, ‘Never give up. Never give in. Pull from within,” but it worked at the time and it has ever since. My head always tried to trick me with negative, self-destructive thoughts so I’ve built up an arsenal of positive beliefs to crush them with. This is one of them and it’s saved me many times! Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

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    • Lynn Silva November 12, 2014 at 2:18 pm #

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. There are BIG plans for this site in the coming new year. Please stay in touch. : )

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      I am SO HONORED! Thanks so very much. We’re relaunching with lots of new things in the new year! Looking forward to further communication in the future. Thank you so much.

  9. Lea Tartanian November 8, 2014 at 10:43 am #

    Lynn I just happened to stumble upon this and I want to thank you for this incredible heart felt story.
    I feel certain most anyone can relate to it in some way or another, including myself.
    I truly need to eliminate physical, emotional and spiritual clutter from my life.
    PHYSICAL: Our cellar is a war zone…so overwhelming just to walk through it to the laundry room.
    EMOTIONAL: Terrible guilt about past mistakes.
    SPIRITUAL: PTSD from the way I allowed church ruin my life and my family…I believed all the do’s and don’ts and loaded it on my friends, family and even co-workers. I made God look like a pious, judgmental idiot. It’s too late. I can’t put toothpaste back into a tube or unscramble an egg.

    That being said your major suggestion to ‘take out the trash and leave it out’ I will start NOW. Good timing in finding this. THANK YOU. I am going to sign up for your emails.

    God bless, thanks again from my heart.

    • Lynn Silva November 12, 2014 at 2:15 pm #

      Lea, I have such adoration and respect for your raw honesty. We are all students in life and when we stop learning and growing, well, we stop living. You’re a beautiful lady, inside and out, and I’m so honored that you stumbled upon this. We’re planning a brand new relaunch with lots of things to come in the new year. I am here, for you and for anyone who reaches out. Thanks so much for such kind, genuine words.

  10. Lauren Tharp January 28, 2015 at 3:27 am #

    “You are NOT that loss, illness or chaos that you’re going through.”

    Things have been a lot better for me recently, but I still feel like I needed this. Thank you.

    (I’m at that point, about 5-6 months after loss/illness/chaos, where you’re like “I can finally breathe again! Right? Maybe?! Can I…? @_@”)

    • Lynn Silva February 5, 2015 at 8:00 am #

      Hi Lauren,

      It’s so…ironic that after writing this article…well…I went through it all again. I remember in the fall, right before Thanksgiving having that exact feeling: “I can finally breath again!” And I too, questioned it. The statement in itself is a statement, a core belief…but if we place the ‘maybe’ or the ‘right’ with it…it becomes a question. So I took the question out of it and kept saying, “I can breath again.” “I can do this again.” And guess what? That tiny shred of doubt disappeared and I really am ‘doing it again.’ So YES, there really is a very good life after loss, illness and chaos. YOU are such an inspiration and I have no doubt that you will turn your chaos into triumph, and I will be right here cheering you on. Thanks so much for taking the time to read.

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    • Lynn Silva February 5, 2015 at 8:04 am #

      Hi Edwardo and thanks so much for visiting. How is your site coming along? I struggle figuring out a lot of the maintenance aspect of this site too, so I am with you on that. I think the most important thing I say to you is that when you get frustrated, do NOT stop believing in yourself. Reword any thoughts of doubt from your mind so your conscious mind can stay focused on what you need to move forward. If you ever need help doing this, I’m here. Thanks so much for reading and please email me and let me know how you’re doing. diversimom at gmail dot com. : )

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    Glad you enjoyed it!

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