Dealing with heartbreak
I’ve been ill. So ill that I actually stayed in bed for two and a half months.
So depressed that I wouldn’t talk to anyone.
Beyond ashamed and humiliated so I isolated from the world.
I’ve been mad. So mad that I can’t even speak.
I’ve been gripped with fear, overcome with Insomnia.
Gained weight, lost weight, suffered great physical pain.
I’ve been kidnapped(age 5),ripped off, lied to, cheated on, abused, made fun of behind my back, hated, had ugly rumors spread about me, left out and severely assaulted.
Have you been through similar tragedies? Although each experience may be unique, there’s one common thread.
IT’S CALLED DEALING WITH HEARTBREAK
And by festering, it gradually influences your passion. It infiltrates your smile so that it’s only half of a smile.
As life goes on, heartbreak has a way of influencing your body language, voice intonations and every single interaction you have.
Many times you catch yourself thinking about these instances and playing the ‘Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda’ game.
You’re in the present, yet, for some reason, continue to revert back to a past experience and relate it to the current situation.
As a result, this causes your actions to sabotage present situations, thereby halting success. Because you’re so raw, all it takes is an odd facial expression or even a certain word, and in a millisecond, you’re taken back to a past experience and automatically assume the present situation will turn out similar.
Right here, during this millisecond, is what causes your downfalls.
There’s absolutely no question that dealing with heartbreak can negatively influence every single new experience that presents itself.
Overcome It Easier Than You Think
The bigger question, and the reason for this post, is HOW do you continue moving forward, making progress when you’re dealing with some sort of crushing heartache? You know what I’m talking about.
Something so awful happens that you can’t get your mind off of it no matter what you do. There’s a sickening pain in your stomach and/or chest that mercilessly lingers. You’re haunted with heartbreak, fear, anger and regret.
Nasty things that were said echo in your head and give you those not so good butterflies deep in the pit of your stomach. Sometimes it hurts so bad you can actually hear your heart beating.
Consumed With Mind Clutter
You try to work, socialize or sleep, but it’s almost impossible because you’re consumed with these heartbreaking thoughts and memories.
When chaos, confrontation and heartache are present, they tend to consume your thoughts, actions and outcomes. Think about it.
Are you one of those who can’t eat or sleep when you’re stressed or upset? Have you called into work because you’re so upset over something that happened?
You tell yourself it’s okay because it’s not very often. So you cancel your plans for one day.
How many times in your lifetime do you intend to just ‘quit’ for a day because things became difficult or ugly?
Take those times and multiply them over years. Think of how much time you’ve already wasted, and will continue to waste because you need a time out.
Now be honest, how long did it take you to get right back on track? Was it really just one day? Or was it multiple days, even weeks?
How many dreams have you walked away from because your heart was shattered and you automatically convinced yourself you could never do it just because you got your heart smashed?
Guess Who Else Has Been Right Where You Are?
Did you know that Beethoven suffered many heartbreaks, of all different kinds? The worst, however, is the loss of his hearing. That didn’t stop him from being one of the greatest composers of all time.
Albert Einstein’s first wife left him and took his kids with her. Thereafter, he was sick for approximately 3 years. Yet somehow, he managed to accomplish great things.
Steve Jobs is the co-founder of Apple, yet he was literally ousted from the company. Despite this crushing blow, he went on and bought the company NeXt as well as Pixar, only to be asked to return to Apple in 1997.
You’re probably thinking these are brilliant people, and you’re not. The only difference between you and them is that they found a way to keep going.
If they did…SO CAN YOU.
The short answer is to change how experiences affect you.
The long answer is that in order to do the aforementioned, you have to change your thought patterns. Not easy, and not always immediate gratification!
Shut Up Already!
You hear all kinds of different advice such as, ‘just don’t think about it,’ or ‘think positive,’ and of course, my personal gag reflex saying, ‘This too shall pass.’ This doesn’t help when your heart is in a million pieces!
The ultimate question remains: How do you pick up and go about your daily business when you’re an absolute mess?
ABSOLUTION, REPETITION & BABY STEPS
Step 1: Absolution
Absolution is a synonym for forgive. Part of the definition is “to cease to feel resentment against.”
“Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”
The key statement in the definition is ‘conscious, deliberate decision.’
First and foremost,forgive yourself AND the other parties involved right now. It’s probably impossible to comprehend this being forever, so just focus on this very moment and forgive. Anyone can do this if you’re only focusing on right this second.
Many people believe that forgiveness is a generous act toward other people. Actually, forgiveness is a generous act for YOU. Without it, your mind won’t break free and your focus will never be on pursuing your own needs and desires.
Step 2: Repetition
You’re going to repeat step 1 over and over. In five minutes, the resentments will come flooding back. Release it all and forgive again.
In 15 minutes, it’ll return and you need to do the same thing.
Keep forgiving whenever your head tries to lure you back into anger and frustration. You’ll find that the more you do this, the longer it stays away.
Step 3: Baby Steps
Because of forgiveness, you’re able to clear your subconscious and in turn, prompting it to focus on something else. The problem is sometimes, your subconscious is so used to thinking about the things your heart festers, that it tends to revert back to the hurt.
That’s what’s comfortable and familiar to it. When this happens you must forgive again, thus clearing away the hurt so you can return to taking one more tiny step toward your goals, or daily tasks.
It’s these little breaks in between that you need to cherish and get right back into your schedule.
As time goes on, the amount of time in between having to forgive gradually increases, thereby increasing the amount of time your head is free and you can focus on moving forward.
See You On the Other Side of Heartbreak
Repeat these 3 steps over and over. I promise you one day, you will wake up and realize the hurt, resentment and regret no longer fester and hold you back. This is what Einstein, Beethoven and Steve Jobs did. This is what successful entrepreneurs do…and this is definitely what you can do too.
Don’t begin each new day with broken thoughts of yesterday, last month or last year. Every single day is like a fresh piece of canvas. Choose a brand new scene, brand new colors and most of all, a brand new result.